Lots of people like to talk about healing. They offer advice on how to heal your mind, your body, and your spirit. However, they often neglect to talk about the darker side of your healing efforts. Today, therefore, we consider some important things to remember as you through your healing process.
The things I will talk about in this article are all things that I have pulled together from my own experience of the Journey, both alone and as part of the support system for others. My aim is to put into the world things that might help others and to encourage people to share their own experiences / words of wisdom in a healthy way.
A Word of Warning Before We Begin
Healing is hard!
There are no shortcuts – regardless of what one is trying to heal.
The process is messy, can involve relapses, takes time, and can bring things to the fore one was never, ever, expecting. Results are never guaranteed, despite what others may say to the contrary, nor is anything ever sure to help one in one’ particular situation. All remedies, aides, assistance, etc. is subjective to the individual – with no such thing as “one size fits all”.
In order to truly heal one must be willing to put in a lot of effort – as much as the Faeries and your guides might want to, no-one can wave a magic wand and heal you without you having a part in it. Even the miracles of Jesus required that the person being healed had faith (“And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague.” Mark 5:34 New Testament). Faith being something that people today find especially difficult to have despite whatever it is they might have faith in… This leads to healing being even more difficult.
As with any Journey one would make, if one has decided to start a healing Journey, one should try to be as prepared as they possibly can be before starting:
- Research the route (look into who/what the most appropriate support systems are – e.g. doctors / psychologists / vets / family / friends / tarot / guides / etc.);
- Gather the appropriate supplies (e.g. medication / herbs / journal / diet change / physical aides / etc.);
- Set off at a pace that is healthy and sustainable (you wouldn’t jump in the car and set off at 150mph to go on a holiday – you might harm yourself or others);
- Ensure lots of rest stops for when you need them (continuing the car analogy – you will need petrol for the car and “comfort breaks” etc. at those service stations!)
Here We Go
Ok then…
Now we have the scary bit out of the way let’s get to those important things to remember when on the healing Journey.
1 – Take Time to Breathe
It might sound very cliché but taking a moment to just breath… take a breath in, as deep as you can manage… hold it for a moment if you can… let it out again… really does help.
Breathing, even if you are struggling for a time with the physical control of it, is something that is intrinsic to lifeforce (or in yogic practices this is known as prana – a Sanskrit word meaning the breath of life).
The more you focus on good breathing practices the easier it is for you to take control of other things around you such as reducing stress, anxiety, and even pain (there is a reason expectant mothers are taught breathing rhythms in anti-natal classes).
There are many apps, videos, blog articles, etc. discussing various breathing techniques for different situations, including just for relaxing at the end of a long day. Take time to research, try out a few, and find what works best for you. Or just make up your won practice that helps you be conscious, and in control of your breathing. Trust your intuition and listen to what your body needs.
Choice is always yours! Remember that at every stage of any healing Journey it is always your decision on what feels right for you. Just as you should not force your views on others, you should not feel pressured by the views of others. Examine, research, weigh up pros and cons, investigate, feel… what is right for you.
2 – Distinguish Between Your Actions and Those of Others
This particular area is generally best suited to healing of the mind and spirit but can work in a physical capacity in certain respects.
When one is in a dark frame of mind, or suffering in spirit, it is very easy, especially if one is an empath, to blame yourself for everything bad that happens around you. Even when one knows that cannot possibly be true.
This sits one squarely in the ego centre, where the world revolves around only the self, making one believe that one is responsible for all of the despair in the world…. As if one’s self has the power to take away the free will of all those around one and take away their choices on what path they walk… See how ridiculous that sounds when it is written down and staring one in the face?
Likewise, on the other side of the coin, it can be very easy to slip into “victim” mode. One blames everything except the self for all the bad things that have happened around us and have been perceived to happen to the elf. One denies one’s own involvement in any of one’s own actions, or even in one’s participation in one’s own life.
Both sides of these coins are very destructive paths when on a healing Journey as they take us off on a spinning, meandering, way that leads us far from the truth of ourselves and the world. Often we find ourselves jumping between the two – back-and-forth, back-and-forth – as we fight to see the world and ourselves as it/we truly is/are.
It is important to walk the fine tightrope between these two differing perspectives. One must step out of the self and become objective about the things one is considering.
One must see each element in the light of truth. Which aspects are one’s own responsibility and which are the responsibility of another? When one can answer that question, with absolute honesty, then one has come far closer to the end of the healing Journey.
(You can see now why I talked about the hard work that goes into healing!)
As with breathing there are many techniques you can use to help you when trying to be objective and get to the heart of this area.
Writing is one of my favourites as I love to write. My process goes as follows:
- I write down the issue for consideration, followed by all of my own thoughts and feelings on the topic;
- I try to put myself in the minds of each of the other people involved in the situation (if there are any) in turn, writing down what I know / feel about who they are, what they are going through, their relationship to myself / the situation / the others involved in the situation;
- I then write down what I think they might be feeling about the situation – utilising knowledge of how I would feel if I were in their shoes instead of mine in this situation;
- Once I have all of my thoughts on paper I then step away for a while and do something to help calm the emotions – being British this is usually having a cup of tea 😉;
- I then return to what I have written, read it, and reflect on it all from a more neutral perspective.
Hopefully this little process then helps me to see the situation in its true light and I can heal from the negativity it has caused myself or others.
Another technique may be to get a tarot reading from another person. You could do this for yourself but in a highly emotional state, unless you are very experienced with Tarot, it is not greatly advisable – firstly, because the read would likely be clouded by the high emotion, and secondly, you may be tempted to do the unethical/immoral and go looking into things you have no consent to see.
A person removed from the situation (whether a tarot reader or a Psychologist) will help guide you through what you need to know and what you must do in response to the situation without invading others privacy.
These are just two of my personal preferences – there are, as I have mentioned, many other way of helping to incorporate the practice of distinguishing the truth into your healing Journey. As with all the matters being discussed here, investigate, learn, and find what works for you.
3 – Forgive Yourself
Now that we have looked at the situations one is healing from more closely it is natural that a variety of emotions, both positive – relief, joy, vindication – and negative – anger, guilt, resentment – may arise.
I feel that the first thing to do in this stage of the Journey is to work on forgiving yourself.
This is often more difficult than forgiving others for their actions and is often made even more difficult by the very fact of a feeling of loathing for one’s self. By forgiving oneself first, one can then forgive others from a much more authentic perspective, truly forgiving rather than merely paying “lip-service” and not really feeling forgiveness in one’s heart.
At the risk of continuously sounding like a “broken record” – there are again many ways in which one can work on forgiving the self. Prayer, turning to one’s chosen God/guide/spirit, tarot, social media, etc. All of these will provide advice on specific things one can do to work towards forgiveness of the the self.
My personal practice, upon acknowledging a situation, is as follows:
- recognise why it happened – so I can learn from it and work towards not repeating the situation in the future;
- if I feel I was at fault and harmed another – apologise where I can, make the situation right if possible;
- where I cannot apologise or make it right for another in the physical (e.g. the person is no longer in my life for some reason / the person will not accept my attempts) – spend time in meditation / ritual / prayer making a connection between my Higher Self (or Soul) and theirs to do in Spirit that which I cannot do in the physical. Thanking them for the experience and letting go of the connection;
- let the emotions flow! This last step is very important! To truly forgive oneself one must feel all the associated emotions as fully as possible, process them, and let them pass. Only then can true forgiveness occur.
This particular process can take quite some time and involve much cyclical motion, in which one must feel again and again something you thought one had already healed once, twice… many times over. Often, this is especially the case where one is trying to forgive oneself for a situation that one feels they should not have been involved in – not because it was one’s fault necessarily, but because one feels one “should have seen it coming” / ” should have been strong enough to avoid” / “is intelligent to know better” / etc.
One should not punish oneself if steps have to be repeated at any stage of the healing Journey, nor if one is stuck at a particular stage for a long time. Everyone moves through the Journey at a combination of the time they personally require and divine timing that knows when that person is capable of stepping onto the next stage.
Take your time, look at all options for support available to you, utilise what works, release what does not, and walk your Journey as you can, in the best way you can, with gratitude, while harming none.
Remember, while ill none of your decisions have been made from a place of harmony, now you are healing you can now do, and be, better. There is always another chance to become better than you were and deliver value through your Journey for the world, others, and yourself.
4 – Allow Yourself to Grieve
This particular stage is simple but that is never the same as easy (although many may try to persuade otherwise…).
This stage has essentially two steps:
- acceptance that one is allowed to let oneself grieve for lost opportunities, lost dreams, lost lives that may have been, anything at all that has been lost due to those things one is healing from;
- feeling, processing, and releasing the self from the grief that has arisen.
Grief is extremely personal and individual to oneself and so must be dealt with as one feels appropriate.
Care must be taken to ensure that methods of dealing with grief do not become destructive, or harmful, to the self or others. Always seek help if you are suffering grief that is becoming destructive in any way – ensure you have a support system to allow yourself to check how you are coping (even if this is just contacting a free service – e.g. Samaritans) whenever you feel like something is getting out of control, or you are struggling with overwhelm during these times.
5 – Remember You Are Not Alone
Each and every thing that you experience is unique to you, but, you do not have to go through them alone.
It is often very hard to remember this when you are at the bottom of the lowest valley in your healing Journey. You may feel that no-one in the world understand, no-one cares, and anyway you do not want them to because you want to wallow in your sadness, despair, and anger.
These are all natural things to feel, however, it is important to recognise that these feelings are not, in fact, true – further, you will not feel this way forever.
There are many who would like to help you! You must though, as with all of the things that will work towards helping you walk your healing Journey, take action to allow them to help you. It is important that you reach out, ask for help, and allow others in to help you.
It is not possible to sit around wishing someone will realise you are in pain when, should anyone enquire how we are, we respond with “everything is great” and plaster on smiles and false masks of positivity. Most humans are not capable of mind-reading an so cannot penetrate those masks – they trust we will ask if we require assistance.
Likewise, if others do realise we are putting on a fake mask and attempt to help, pushing them away again and again, for whatever reason (be it pride, grief, anger, etc.), means we cannot sit around wondering why they stopped trying to help and have left us to our own devices.
There are many others, who are not human, that want to, and can, help you as you walk this healing Journey if you will open your heart and let them. They can even help you to get to the point where you feel you can now ask for help from other humans where it is necessary.
The following are all non-human supporters that may work for you:
- your pets (animal companions are shown to help in a lot of healing Journeys);
- your particular God in prayer;
- meditate to ask your Guides in Spirit for assistance;
- work with tarot/oracle cards/crystals/etc. to receive support and wisdom from nature and the energies/beings all around you in the Universe.
Look to find those that wish to help you wherever you may find them. Make sure to steer clear of anything that may harm yourself, or others, as best a you can. Try not to make rash decisions because you are being pressured by anyone. Take time to consider / breathe before making any decisions / choices.
This trusting to others to let them in and help you may be one of the more difficult things you face in your healing Journey but by taking control, and opening your heart, you will improve life for yourself and all those around you.
Coming to the End
As you move towards the end of a healing Journey it becomes much easier to recognise the light and joy in life and now to truly, and authentically, forgive those that have hurt us.
Part of being able to forgive others is the recognition that they have / are / will go/gone through such things themselves. As you have recognised that you are often not blameless in the hurt of others they are not blameless in yours. Blame and forgiveness are very different however.
You can recognise that someone is to blame for a hurt delivered to you yet forgive them for causing it. This does not diminish the fact that they caused the hurt, but you can release the poison from yourself that is hurt, anger, resentment, etc. You can choose to heal.
Those others will have to deal with their own actions either in this life, just as you have done, or in the next life / cycle of karma / in soul life-review (whatever next stage you may believe in). You can empathise with them for the pain and courage it will take them to go through those healing experiences. This is something you have done, you know how hard it is, you know the courage it takes, you know life is better on the other side, and, most importantly, you know that what they did while they were ill is not what they would do once they are better.
Some experiences should never happen, unfortunately the world has evil in it, life cannot be all positivity and light as there is duality in it. This leads to people being “broken” and made ill, and behaving in a way they may not should they have had other experiences etc.
It is our choices that are important! We can choose to let go of the evil, break the cycles, forgive, and assist others to let go of the dark. In this way we can make the world a better place and push back the deeper darkness one small candle at a time!
Healing is difficult, dealing with yourself honestly is difficult, life is difficult! Congratulations are in order though! You are doing it, you have made a choice to be better, you are trying, and you are succeeding (even if it doesn’t always feel that way). Keep going – you will reap the rewards – you may not have them yet but they are on the way!
These are just my thoughts and suggestions pulled together from an… interesting… life experience. There are many other facets and techniques helpful on a healing Journey.
Let us know how you help yourself and others on these healing Journeys. It would be great to develop a discussion on the deeper, sometimes darker, aspects of this Journey so that we can help each other and make sure no-one feels alone.
If you would like to reach out to tarot, or Faery for some guided assistance you can request a reading with us to explore deeper themes. We look forward to hearing from you and sharing some of the Journey with you!
Sources
https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a544499/breathing-techniques-for-labour
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/nt/mark/5?lang=eng&id=33-34#p33
